Balancing Act

Balancing Act

Let’s face it, we are all juggling a lot right now

The plates are spinning…..precariously held up in the air. One minute you look up and say, “Damn, I got this.” The next minute, they all come crashing down.

I’m not the only one trying to balance a lot right now. I don’t know about you, but I really have no desire to be living through a time that will be talked about in history books years later.

Sometimes it feels like “trauma” has become one of the most frequent words in my vocabulary.

I am passionate about my series A Shot At Survival: Watercolor Portraits Illustrating What It Takes To Survive Trauma In St. Louis. However, I’m having a hard time balancing my night job as a pediatric trauma nurse and painting a series on trauma.

Then you through in Covid-19. I cringed when I heard “oh you are a hero, our healthcare heroes, nurses wear capes….” I didn’t feel like a hero. I felt like someone who had chosen the wrong profession in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. I just wanted enough N-95 masks so I didn’t have to be the PPE (personal protective equipment) police and to actually feel safe.

I have had people ask me, why I don’t quit nursing and just paint full time. Right now, my part time night job allows me to paint what I want, to paint what I am compelled to. Yes, more trauma. Note the theme.

So when I am passionate and will not give up this series, A Shot at Survival, and my stressful job enables me to keep painting, how do I keep going without losing it?

A beach read? That’s what someone suggested. A light read. Something without trauma. Frankly, I suck at that.

So, I am making sure that I always have some fun light paintings going. My outlet, my “beach read” paintings. I am taking time for myself, well trying to. I’m listening to more music and thinking of new ways to balance life and passion.

So as I am figuratively sweeping up those shards of plates I tried to keep spinning…maybe I don’t have to keep it all spinning right now.

3am Studio Session post shift.